Below are some comments, or whatever you want to call them, that were
e-mailed to me. I thought they made just about as much sense as I usually do 
(HEY NOW! Stop laughing at me!) So I thought I'd devote a page to them. 
Whatever. Anyways, enjoy!

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week!

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If everything seems to be going well, you've overlooked something.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

You never really learn how to swear until you learn how to drive.

Borrow money from pessimests, they don't expect it back.
  
I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some us
don't have film.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, why do they say,"Quit 
while you're ahead"?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
  
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  
Why is the word abbreviation so long?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
  
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't
going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

I'm not schizophrenic.  You only think we are!
  
How is it possible to have a civil war?
  
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  
If you try to fail, but instead succeed, which have you done?

You've wasted brain cells

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